The Sudden Curve

Today is ...i

Cartoons From The New Yorker: 2008 Day-to-Day Calendar

Already Busted My Meerschaum Pipe

I am notorious for breaking pipes, so I have already broken my meerschaum pipe.

I broke the tenon, the little bit that connects the stem to the bowl. So, I just glued it in with some silicon glue. Works just fine.

Strangely, there is no space for a filter. I guess I'll just have to clean it by running a pipe cleaner through it.

It is a lot more flavorable than a briar pipe, and stays cooler.

The inside of the bowl immediately turned brown after the first smoke, as did the rim.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who is glad he only spent $15 on it.

Plopping Out Eight Pugs

Posted by Bob Wallace, who has a pug.

The Greatest Video in All Time and Space

Posted by Bob Wallace, who understands sign language.

The Frank Frazetta Artwork Gallery

Posted by Bob Wallace, who sez, oh yeah.

My Kind of Car

Posted by Bob Wallace, who is working on one of these in the basement...damn, how am I going to get it out?

The Best Bong I Ever Had

When I was 17 years old a friend and I went camping down in the Ozarks.

We forgot to bring all the appropriate stuff along, so we ended up taping up an old coffee pot, and darn if it wasn't the best bong we ever had.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who improvises a lot.

A Country Boy at Heart

I was raised halfway inbetween the country and the suburbs but it's pretty obvious which one I prefer.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who stays far far away from McMansions and SUVs and cellphones.

The Greatest ERB Novel Ever!!!

I ran across this novel when I was 11 and was lost to the normal world forever and was permanently changed and I don't mind at all BWAHAHAHA!!!

Posted by Bob Wallace, who doesn't mind that Martian women lay eggs cuz they sure are no chickens!

Ultraman vs. Godzilla!!!

I used to watch "Ultraman" all the time as a kid, and I loved it!!!

Posted by Bob Wallace, who had nightmares about the monsters.

The Trail of the Screaming Forehead

Posted by Bob Wallace, who has a MegaForehead.

The Star Wars Kid Saves the Galaxy

This kid made this video, forgot about it, others found it and added special effects, and it has become the most-watched video on the internet.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who if he had done it, would have exploited it for all it was worth.

My New Meerschaum Pipe

I didn't go with the artwork meerschaum pipe because I knew I'd bust it, so I bought a small one instead, for about $15.

Meerschaum is some weird mineral stuff (it means "sea foam), and the best stuff comes out of Turkey. It's not wood, like briar, and it's light and stays cool and absorbs tar. It also has a tendency to get soft when smoked, so you have to be really careful with them.

I'd had two briar pipes and busted both of them.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who is sitting in his Essentially Cool rocking chair.

Schrodinger's Lolcat

Posted by Bob Wallace, who understands the joke becuz he is brillunt, and if you don't know what a "lolcat" is, there is always Google, becuz, you know, you ain't my kid and I didn't take you to raise.

Funniest Stargate Prank

A Rocking Chair, A Meerschaum Pipe, and ERB

I am as lazy as a pug dog, one of which I own.

I have never worked hard and never will. Life is for fun.

I have a rocking chair, will buy a meerschaum pipe soon, and then will sit in my chair, smoke my pipe, and read Edgar Rice Burroughs.

Everyone else can work their lives away for McMansions and SUVs. Not me, buster.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who lives in a hollowed-out tree in the Ozarks, sorta like a hillbilly Hobbit.

My $30 Antique Rocking Chair

I shop at thrift stores, pawnshops, and Dollar General. Last week, I ran across a rocking chair very similiar to this one, except it has no cushion. When I upended it and read the manufacturer's sticker, it read "Heywood-Wakefield, Chicago."

That meant nothing to me, but I could tell it was made about 1940, and was in solid condition. And for $30?

So I bought it. When I checked on the Internet, it turns out Heywood-Wakefield was a very famous cutting-edge furniture manufacturer. The most expensive and desired stuff is by certain designers. This is just a basic rocking chair, probably worth maybe $75. It still has the original finish on it, just worn.

I had to make some repairs on it, putting some screws in it to tighen it up, but I figure it will last another 60 years. Longer than me, actually. So I got a good deal.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who always wanted a rocking chair by the fireplace, just like the crazy guy in "The Searchers."

The Only British Humor I Like

Red Dwarf, of course.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who wishes it was still being made.

Rachel at Fed Lion

I actually know this woman. She wrote me a few letters about an article I wrote at The Libertarian Enterprise. Her name is Rachel Mills, she ran for office as a libertarian, was a model, and had Playboy offer her half the money for some pictures ($10,000 instead of $20,000). I was telling her, yeah! yeah! but she turned them down.

She's married to some physicist guy with hair past his shoulders.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who sez, this is funny stuff.

How to Fight a Bear

Posted by Bob Wallace, who is still cringing.

Funniest KO Ever

I watch a fair amount of boxing and saw this fight a few years ago. It has become famous as "the Zab Judah Chicken Dance."

Posted by Bob Wallace, who laughs everytime I see it.

The Original Rocketeer

The original Rocketeer was Commando Cody, who I used to watch on TV as a kid. I didn't know the episodes were originally at the theater, then moved to TV. I just knew I was fascinated with a guy who had jetpacks and could fly through the air.

Posted by Bob Wallace, whose jetpacks never worked when I jumped off the roof.

Gotta have Snausages on the menu too

posted by Tom Novak who says dog food is all he can afford since the collapse of the dollar. But it's not so bad!

Twinkles the Elephant (he weren't no Dumbo, that's for sure)

posted by Tom Novak who is as old as mammoth crap, so he remembers Twinkles and his cereal.  Wilbur always was a grouch in these things.

And now, a word from our sponsor - it's Bacon!

posted by Tom Novak, who's hungry

"The Dark" -Arch Oboler

I heard this on the radio when I was about eight and almost flew out of the car.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who still plays this for eigh-year-olds to watch them get hysterical.

"Someday Soon" - Suzy Bogguss

Back in college I lived next door to Suzy Bogguss for one summer. I remember her playing at the local Subway, and all of us were just astonished when she became a big star.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who played a tamborine at her party.

The Only Country Music I Like

Posted by Bob Wallace, who's embarrassed by Toby Keith.