The Sudden Curve

Needs No Explanation

BWAHAHAHA!!!

This 400 pounds of disgusting wetback lard is fasting to protest volunteers patrolling the Arizona border in response to illegal immigration. Well, folks, I'd say this woman (and I use the word reservedly) can live for a year or so on all that blubber. And if she doesn't, well, then it'll be a better world.

Posted by Bob Wallace, WHO AIN'T POLITICALLY CORRECT AT ALL.

 

Ack, Gack, Yech!

I recently received an email about the 26 things a perfect guy would do for a woman. No wonder men and women don't understand each other. I know all the woman are going, "How sweet!" and all the guys are saying, "Somebody shoot this poor pitiful fool!"

So, here they are:

1. Know how to make you smile when you are down.

2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.

3. Stick up for you, but still respect your independence.

4. Give you the remote control during the game.

5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.

6. Play with your hair.

7. His hands always find yours.

8. Be cute when he really wants something.

9. Offer you plenty of massages.

10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.

11. Never run out of love.

12. Be funny, but know when to be serious.

13. Realize he's being funny when he needs to be serious.

14. Be patient when you take forever to get ready.

15. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.

16. Smile a lot.

17. Plans a romantic date full of cheesy things he wouldn't normally like to do, just b/c he knows it means a lot to you.

18. Appreciate you.

19. Help others out.

20. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.

21. Always gives you a peck on the cheek when you depart from each others company, even when his friends are watching.

22. Sing, even if he can't.

23. Have a creative sense of humor.

24. Stare at you.

25. Call for no reason.

26. Quit smoking, chewing, drinking, or drugs-Just because he loves you that much to quit it.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who sez, MEN ARE FROM EARTH, WOMEN ARE FROM ANOTHER UNIVERSE.

The Baddest Butt-Kicking Space Babe Ever

It would have to be Sigourney Weaver, she of Aliens fame. I especially liked the first one, in which she was running around in that t-shirt with. . .nothing underneath. Ah, those were the days!

Posted by Bob Wallace, WHO LIKES WOMEN IN T-SHIRTS.

"She"'s the One

I had forgotten Ursula Andress was in She. I always remember her being in Dr. No, in that scene on the beach in her bikini. Obviously, she's one of the Top 50 Butt-Kicking Chicks of all time!

Posted by Bob Wallace, WHO'D LIKE TO LIVE ON A BEACH SURROUNDED BY BIKINI-CLAD WOMEN.

Not really from Texas

YEEE-UUUCCKK!!!!

posted by Tom Novak,  who is  muttering something insensitive, revanchist and bigoted -  but oh-so-true.

She .... eesh!

posted by Tom Novak who's Lost Skeleton mesmerism powers make him immune to the wiles of Shes... he just pulls the old Amish Terrarium mind trick on them and they swoon.

Huggins the Beanie Baby

She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed has forced upon my poor pitiful self three Beanie Babies: Tangles, the pictured Huggins, and Orion the Lion. She has over 100 of these monstrosities, which she keeps in a box under her bed. When I mentioned this is a guy I know, he told me he knew a woman who has over 500 of these little heinious beasts. Women and anything that reminds them of a baby! Bah! Good thing we rule the world! If we didn't, we'd all be inundated with Beanie Babies and forced to watch chick flicks starring nancy-boy Hugh Grant.

Posted by Bob Wallace, WHO HAS THREE BEANIE BABIES LIVING ON TOP OF HIS COMPUTER MONITOR.

Tangles speaks again ...

Hi there,

 

I'm Tangles. 

Gosh. How come they are always picking on me?

It's a darn lucky thing for the depraved editoral staff of The Sudden Curve that my feline brothers and sisters and I care more about food than freedom.  Or else we'd start clawing necks ...

posted by Tangles , who asks are you going to eat all that tuna sammich?

Freeze, Tangles!

posted by Tom Novak who would ban cat-talk from the internet and then chortle evilly as the blogosphere collapsed.

The Hidden

The Hidden is worth watching just to see a mostly-naked Claudia Christian dance around a stage, but even without her, this 1987 movie is a dazzling and inventive tale about a hyper-violent alien slug that possesses people so that it can engage in all kinds of happy mayhem. After it is an FBI agent, played by Kyle MacLachlan of Twin Peaks. This is a nifty if violent and at times yucky film, but you'll like it, I promise.

Posted by Bob Wallace, WHO SLEEPS WITH TAPE OVER HIS MOUTH, AND ONCE YOU WATCH THE FILM YOU'LL UNDERSTAND WHY.

Yummm. . .Mead Honey Wine

Although I've never tried absinthe, and don't have any desire (the taste is supposedly very nasty) one thing I have tried, and order over the Internet, is mead, or honey wine. Even though it may be the oldest wine that exists, it's almost impossible to find it in a store. And it is good stuff. In fact, the word "honeymoon" comes from newlyweds who were supposedly to drink mead for a moon month. Ummm, yum!

Posted by Bob Wallace, WHO TRIED TO MAKE WINE ONCE AS A TEENAGER. ONLY ONCE.

The Only Illegal Liquor in the US

It's absinthe. It's legal in other countries, but has been banned in the US since the early 1900s. Apparently the government thought it was addictive. It's based on a liquor called Pernod, which is legal, and blue, and being flavored with anise, it tastes like liquorice. Basically absinthe is Pernod with woodwood added. I've never tried it, or tried to make it. I do know woodwood is supposed to be good for getting rid of internal parasites, and is available in just about any healthfood store. I do know absinthe is green, unlike the blue of Pernod. I guess that's what the woodwood does to it. I've heard the stuff tastes pretty awful. Personally, I'll stay with mead, which is honeywine.

Posted by Bob Wallace, WHO LIKES WINE BUT NOT BEER.

Half genius, half insane

Hitler was described as half-genius, half-insane. Here are some of his quotes, and they're worth paying attention to.

"To be a leader means to be able to move masses."

"The man who has no sense of history, is like a man who has no ears or eyes."

"Always before God and the world, the stronger has the right to carry through what he wills."

"Only force rules. Force is the first law."

"Whatever goal, man has reached is due to his originality plus his brutality."

"The victor will never be asked if he told the truth."

"How fortunate for leaders that men do not think."

"Our strategy is to destroy the enemy from within, to conquer him through himself."

"When an opponent declares, "I will not come over to your side," I calmly say, "Your child belongs to us already... What are you? will pass on. Your descendants, however, now stand in the new camp. In a short time they will know nothing else but this new community."

"[T]here is more that binds us to Bolshevism than separates us from it," said Hitler to Rauschning. "There is, above all, genuine revolutionary feeling, which is alive everywhere in Russia except where there are Jewish Marxists. I have always made allowance for this circumstance, and given orders that former Communists are to be admitted to the party at once. The petit bourgeois Social-Democrat and the trade-union boss will never make a National Socialist, but the Communist always will."

Posted by Bob Wallace, WHO HAS NOTHING ELSE TO ADD.

Happy Earth Day!

Johnnie Cochran's Current Home (and O.J.'s Future One)

Pardon us, as we go whistling past ...

Tiny Tumbleweed Houses. . .and More

People have emailed me about Tiny Tumbleweed Houses. My father was a general contractor, and I've built many a house, so I'm not only comfortable building houses, I have no problem building unusual ones. Here's a Straw Bale House. Sound strange? It's not. Use a post-and-beam frame, stack strawbales for insulation, plaster the inside and stucco the outside, and you've got a house that looks as good as any other, and costs about one-sixth the price.

Posted by Bob Wallace, WHO SAYS, THE HELL WITH THE SUBURBS.

{ Don't forget this! }

Some Big Guys

She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed has two brothers, one 6'6", 300 lbs, the other 6'8", 320 lbs. I am reminded of Ted Cassidy, who played Lurch on the TV program, Addams Family. Cassidy also appeared in some episodes of Star Trek, and was a bit actor in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Heck, if I was that size, I'd be in films myself.

Posted by Bob Wallace, WHO'S ONLY SIX FEET TALL.

Training Velociraptors

If velociraptors existed today, I wonder if it would be possible to breed them like dogs -- short ones, tall ones, fat ones, skinny ones. I'd have to have one about three feet tall. . .put 'im on a leash and sic 'im on anyone being naughty. I guess we'll probably never know, unless it really is possible to pull off a Jurassic Park. It's a nice thought, though, one that comes from all the science fiction I read as a teenager.

Posted by Bob Wallace, WHO DOESN'T HAVE A VELOCIRAPTOR BUT AN EPILEPTIC PUG.