The Sudden Curve

Happy Silly Yankee Holiday, Day

Have you ever heard of ... Kong?

If I was Rich

If I was rich, I would resurrect Big Little Books. When I was 11, my father, who was remodeling a house, found a dozen or so and gave them to me. They've long since disappeared, I hope to a good home. But I was fascinated by them. They were kid-sized hardbacks, with lots of colorful pictures. I remember the pictures better than the stories -- one is worth a thousand words, right? I especially remember the story of some villain who fell into a POOL OF MAN-EATING PIRANHAS. With a minute nothing was left except a FLOATING SKELETON!!! The moral of course --CRIME DOES NOT PAY!!

Posted by Bob Wallace, who someday is gonna win the lottery, you betcha.

Internet Addiction

Posted by Bob Wallace, who has, oh, all kinds of addictions

 

Go Granny Go!

Yesterday on the radio I heard a 911 call about a 66-year-old Texas grandma who was attacked in her home by some tattooed lowlife. This is what I heard:

"You sonofabitch! How dare you break into my house!" BAM! "Bastard! SUMBITCH!! I'll blow your head off!" BAM!

Then I heard the 911 dispatcher say, "Please don't shoot him anymore."

Posted by Bob Wallace, who was laughing so hard I had tears coming out of my eyes.

When Blogs Attack?

posted by Tom Novak, who is laughing too much to think up anything snarky to say about the victimized stalwart lions of journalism at Forbesdotcom (bwaa haa haa haaa!)

We're moving to Podtropolis

Wwwellll, not really. But it sure looks like a cool place.

posted by Tom Novak, who says that everyone who moves to Podtropolis gets body-snatched and bit-torrented ... FREE!

Some Free Advice for the French

. . .on how to handle rioting Moose-limb scum.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who sez, whatever happens/we have got/the M-60 machine gun/and they have not.

McLintock ~ remastered!

Great day in the morning! It feels like the Fourth of July because at long last there is a decent DVD version of McLintock! available

posted by Tom "Clayslide" Novak, who says to only buy the official Batjac / Wayne Foundation and Paramount DVD version and no other. You'll be right happy.

Bran Mak Morn ~ a new illustrated collection

posted by Tom Novak, who has no use for those dratted Worms of the Earth.

Monster in the Cellar

Two men are sitting in a bar discussing how ugly their wives are. So they sneak over to one guy's house and peek in the window, and sure enough, she's sitting in a chair with her feet on a stool and her hair in curlers. "Pitiful," says the other guy, "but she ain't nothing compared to mine." Then they make their way to the other guy's house, where he rolls up the rug on the living room floor and stomps three times on a bolted metal door on the floor.

"We want me to put the bag on my head?" comes a voice from the cellar.

"Naw," says the man, "I don't want to have sex with you, I just want to show you off."

Posted by Bob Wallace, who keeps She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed in a pit in the basement. Ouch! Yes, dear, I'm just joking.

"For Liberty"

My maternal last name is "Weis," which is German for "white." I'm not interested. My paternal last name, on the other hand, is "Wallace," which has a most interesting history. It's actually Welsh, although it's the most famous name in Scotland, has a coat of arms (with the motto, "For Liberty"" and even a tartan. Like, way cool! Pretty old name, too -- at least 900 years. Other names, such as Wales, Welch, Walsh, all come from the same root word as "Wallace." It originally meant "foreiger."

Posted by Bob Wallace, who someday is gonna wear a kilt.

Serenity ~ the movie DVD preorder

Redneck # 7

That one actually happened in my area. A bunch of drunken rednecks were at a park fishing when one of them told everyone, "Hey, everyone, watch this" then swallowed a fish. The fish didn't make it down and he didn't survive. Neither did the fish.

Then there was the case of a bunch of drunken guys on a deserted bridge (Missouri has a lot of those) who decided to bungee jump. With a rope. When the guy hit the end of the rope it pulled his foot off at the ankle. He survived, although they couldn't find his foot.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who now awards the Darwin award to these guys.

Bill Gates says, "All your base are belong to us"

Photo stolen from Niall Kennedy, who is actually there.

posted by Tom Novak who is isn't allowed to attend these things anymore because of that fish tossing incident at the last one ...

25 hints that you might be a Red Neck

1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

5. Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."

6. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

7. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey y'all watch this."

8. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

10. Your junior prom had a daycare.

11. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are,

"Gentlemen start your engines."

12. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

13. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.

14. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

15. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

16. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

17. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

18. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

19. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

20. Somebody hollers "Hoe Down" and your girlfriend hits the floor.

21. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

22. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

23. Your working T.V. sits on top of your non-working T.V.

24. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.

25. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

posted by Billy Ray, Joe Bob, Bubba, Du-Wayne Novak Jr. and his dog, King (who corrected the spelling)