A Kerfluffle with a Stupid

I have a seven-year-old one-eyed rescue pug I've had for four months. I shave him weekly to keep him cool, keep a gallon of fresh water in my van (which has ice-cold AC) and park in the shade and leave the windows down if I have to leave him in the van -- which is always just for five minutes.

I walk out to my van Friday from being in the store for five minutes, and I see there is a 40ish woman with wraparound sunglasses and a cellphone in her hand standing near my van. I also notice the door to my van is ajar.

I start to get in my van, and she asks me, "Is this your van?"

No, of course not, I'm getting into a stranger's van. I just happen to have the key. She tells me she has called the police because I left my dog in the car.

I realize I'm dealing with a loon. The police aren't going to do anything, and in fact get calls like this all the time.

So I check her out -- the bitter, hostile look, the lack of a ring on her finger, and I decide this is a woman who has gone through a bad divorce, probably seeing a therapist, and is taking her problems out on me. So I decide to turn it around on her.

"Look lady," I tell her, "I suggest you take care of your own problems first, like getting that bitter, hostile look off of your face because you went through a bad divorce."

Her mouth drops open and she takes a step back. Then she yells at me, "You just wait until the police get here!"

I tell her the police aren't going to do anything to me, and besides, I have other things to do that wait for them to show up and tell her she's a moron.

As I'm driving away she screams at me, "You're no gentleman." To which I respond, "That is the ONLY thing you've gotten right about this."

Posted by Bob Wallace, who realized a long time ago that stupid cannot be fixed.

Comments

[Colin Wright]

You're lucky. We live near Berkeley, California, and get this ALL the time. The dog can be in the car, it's ca 75 degrees outside, the window is cracked, he's got a bowl of water -- and there's some outraged woman by the car when we get back. The dog is going nuts.

'Can't you see he's desperate to get out?'

'No, he's hyper, and you're standing by the car.'

Same thing with babies, incidentally. We once parked in front of a video store and went in to return a video -- leaving (gasp) our infant son in the car seat. Total elapsed time: maybe ninety seconds. We come out, and there's a crowd. Somebody wants to call the police. It's OVERCAST AND ABOUT SIXTY DEGREES. WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?

I completely blew up. That was thirteen years ago and it still pisses me off.

And by the way, with the dog at least, the cops WILL come. Then you have to deal with some dumb cop doing what he conceives to be his duty.