The Sudden Curve

So Red the Rose

I mostly read science fiction, fantasy and horror, but occasionally I'll read something serious, like Stark Young's So Red the Rose, which was written in the '20s or '30s and was a bestseller in those days.

I was raised in the lower Midwest, near the Ozarks, and am descended from Scots-Irish hillbillies from Tennesee and Kentucky. I don't consider myself Northern, aka damn Yankees, but instead a combination of Midwestern and Southerner.

As far as I'm concerned, the South was overwhelmingly in the right, and too bad the North won, which only happened because they were far more industrialized than the South.

So Red the Rose is an intimate look at a bunch of Southern families during the War Between the States, and does not have the grand sweep of Gone with the Wind.

The author, Stark Young, came as to the same conclusion I have, that the conflict between North and South runs back to industrialized England marauding though Scotland and Ireland, only transplanted to the U.S. So now we have those damn Yankees in D.C. (Bush is not a Texan or cowboy; he's a Yankee) attempting to wipe out the U.S., and I see this country's salvation lying in the hands of Midwesterners and Southerners, certainly not all the nancy-boys on the East and West Coasts.

So Red the Rose is a heck of a good novel, and it should be taught in school.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who is a Scots-Irish Ozarkian hillbilly.

Cyd Charrise

Wally's post about Cyd Charisse reminded me of the first time I saw her in Singing in the Rain.

I don't like musicals and I never liked Singing in the Rain, which consisted of Gene Kelly, Debbie Reynolds and Donald O'Conner dancing around with stupid grins on their faces.

That is, until Cyd showed up in short black hair, a skimpy green outfit (with greens shoes), and then proceeded to steal the scene from Kelly. I though, who is that? Where did she get that body? And those legs? And why is she blowing smoke through her nostrils?

It's the only think I liked about the entire movie.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who still has dreams about the green-skinned girl in "Star Trek."

Did You Ever Wonder...

Do birds get cancer? What about frogs? Do either have heart attacks? Are there any animals that don't get cancer, heart attacks, or have strokes?

I know cats have heart attacks, because I was once at the vet when a girl brought in a fat, dead 18-year-old cat with blood dripping from his nose. The vet said that was the classic sign of a heart attack in a cat.

What about insects? Do they get cancer? Do they even have hearts? I don't think so, at least most of them. I dissected a worm in jr. high and could hardly find anything in there. How they stayed alive was always beyond me.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who is always going "hmmm" about everything.

Festus Missouri

Not only is there a Frankenstein, Missouri, there is also a Festus, Missouri.

It's not named after Festus Hagen, The Sudden Curve's favorite deputy, even if he was illiterate and could only look at the half-naked girls here. Too bad it wasn't named after him. I wish it was.

I have never been to Frankenstein, but I've been to Festus a few times. It's a nice little town about 12,000 people living south of St. Louis. I used to know a chubby little blonde girl what lived there.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who'd rather be Festus than Matt.

Did You Ever Wonder...

If "vaporize" means to turn into vapor, what does "pulverize" mean? It's one of those things that makes me go, Hmmm.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who always thought Ensign Pulver was a weird name.

Already Busted My Meerschaum Pipe

I am notorious for breaking pipes, so I have already broken my meerschaum pipe.

I broke the tenon, the little bit that connects the stem to the bowl. So, I just glued it in with some silicon glue. Works just fine.

Strangely, there is no space for a filter. I guess I'll just have to clean it by running a pipe cleaner through it.

It is a lot more flavorable than a briar pipe, and stays cooler.

The inside of the bowl immediately turned brown after the first smoke, as did the rim.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who is glad he only spent $15 on it.

Plopping Out Eight Pugs

Posted by Bob Wallace, who has a pug.

The Frank Frazetta Artwork Gallery

Posted by Bob Wallace, who sez, oh yeah.

My Kind of Car

Posted by Bob Wallace, who is working on one of these in the basement...damn, how am I going to get it out?

The Best Bong I Ever Had

When I was 17 years old a friend and I went camping down in the Ozarks.

We forgot to bring all the appropriate stuff along, so we ended up taping up an old coffee pot, and darn if it wasn't the best bong we ever had.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who improvises a lot.

A Country Boy at Heart

I was raised halfway inbetween the country and the suburbs but it's pretty obvious which one I prefer.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who stays far far away from McMansions and SUVs and cellphones.

The Greatest ERB Novel Ever!!!

I ran across this novel when I was 11 and was lost to the normal world forever and was permanently changed and I don't mind at all BWAHAHAHA!!!

Posted by Bob Wallace, who doesn't mind that Martian women lay eggs cuz they sure are no chickens!

Ultraman vs. Godzilla!!!

I used to watch "Ultraman" all the time as a kid, and I loved it!!!

Posted by Bob Wallace, who had nightmares about the monsters.

The Star Wars Kid Saves the Galaxy

This kid made this video, forgot about it, others found it and added special effects, and it has become the most-watched video on the internet.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who if he had done it, would have exploited it for all it was worth.

My New Meerschaum Pipe

I didn't go with the artwork meerschaum pipe because I knew I'd bust it, so I bought a small one instead, for about $15.

Meerschaum is some weird mineral stuff (it means "sea foam), and the best stuff comes out of Turkey. It's not wood, like briar, and it's light and stays cool and absorbs tar. It also has a tendency to get soft when smoked, so you have to be really careful with them.

I'd had two briar pipes and busted both of them.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who is sitting in his Essentially Cool rocking chair.

Schrodinger's Lolcat

Posted by Bob Wallace, who understands the joke becuz he is brillunt, and if you don't know what a "lolcat" is, there is always Google, becuz, you know, you ain't my kid and I didn't take you to raise.

A Rocking Chair, A Meerschaum Pipe, and ERB

I am as lazy as a pug dog, one of which I own.

I have never worked hard and never will. Life is for fun.

I have a rocking chair, will buy a meerschaum pipe soon, and then will sit in my chair, smoke my pipe, and read Edgar Rice Burroughs.

Everyone else can work their lives away for McMansions and SUVs. Not me, buster.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who lives in a hollowed-out tree in the Ozarks, sorta like a hillbilly Hobbit.

My $30 Antique Rocking Chair

I shop at thrift stores, pawnshops, and Dollar General. Last week, I ran across a rocking chair very similiar to this one, except it has no cushion. When I upended it and read the manufacturer's sticker, it read "Heywood-Wakefield, Chicago."

That meant nothing to me, but I could tell it was made about 1940, and was in solid condition. And for $30?

So I bought it. When I checked on the Internet, it turns out Heywood-Wakefield was a very famous cutting-edge furniture manufacturer. The most expensive and desired stuff is by certain designers. This is just a basic rocking chair, probably worth maybe $75. It still has the original finish on it, just worn.

I had to make some repairs on it, putting some screws in it to tighen it up, but I figure it will last another 60 years. Longer than me, actually. So I got a good deal.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who always wanted a rocking chair by the fireplace, just like the crazy guy in "The Searchers."

The Only British Humor I Like

Red Dwarf, of course.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who wishes it was still being made.

Rachel at Fed Lion

I actually know this woman. She wrote me a few letters about an article I wrote at The Libertarian Enterprise. Her name is Rachel Mills, she ran for office as a libertarian, was a model, and had Playboy offer her half the money for some pictures ($10,000 instead of $20,000). I was telling her, yeah! yeah! but she turned them down.

She's married to some physicist guy with hair past his shoulders.

Posted by Bob Wallace, who sez, this is funny stuff.