I Hate Dick and Jane

I hate Dick and Jane.

I tried to teach myself to read when I was four, but didn't have any help.

I picked it up so fast in first grade the teacher put me in charge of the class.

And what was used to teach us to read? "Dick and Jane."

"See Spot. See Spot run. Run Spot run."

To these day I can remember the boredom and disappointment I felt being forced to sit down and chant "Watch Jane play with Dick."

Thank God these horrors are no longer used in school. Why couldn't the schools have given me Edgar Rice Burroughs to read?

Posted by Bob Wallace, who wanted to machine-gun Dick, Jane, Sally, Spot, Pony and everyone else in those books.